If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
