Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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