I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
