just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
