your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
