there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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