Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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