ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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