I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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