I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
