I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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