He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
