Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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