plz talk dirty to me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
