I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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