I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
