Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
