The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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