oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
