Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My feet surprised me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
