i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You made me cry and you don't even care
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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