i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
