his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
3pm strippers are depressing
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
