would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
North Korea, Best Korea!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
