I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
NoShamevember. You game?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
