weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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