I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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