How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
