We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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