Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
