As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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