I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
