I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
