Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
