Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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