I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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