we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
