i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize