BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
