i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
