Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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