your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
