Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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