We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
