I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My feet surprised me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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