You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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