Quick, to the slutcave!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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