I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
