3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
