just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize