I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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