I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize