i permit you to call me
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
