After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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