So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
