Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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