there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
