I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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