tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
