i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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