How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
