Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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