things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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