the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
