Already got asked if we're dating
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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