Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
