two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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