The maid of honor just puked.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
