Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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