Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
What a dumb baby whore.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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