is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
