Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
