Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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