Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
