the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
do nipples grow back?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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