Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
