There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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