dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
