I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
