I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish you could order shots online.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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