booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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