You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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