its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize