I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
