I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I deserve this hangover.
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