I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
