He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
